Tissues

There was a point in my life that I considered myself pretty tough. I never cried at movies. I mean, NEVER ever. I would feel moved, but never shed a tear. I used to work pretty darn hard. I lived on a small farm with my dad. I remember doing things like hauling bales of hay to our truck, cutting paths for our fence, pounding fence poles and other such labors. I used to be quite strong and capable. I had a high threshold for pain. I used to consume 3 atomic fireballs at once without taking them out. Back then, I never saw the need to carry around tissues. Have you seen people do this? They have these cute packets of tiny squares of tissues that fold out for emergency emotions? These are the kind of people that are prepared and I admire that. Especially now that I'm not nearly as tough as I used to be.

Pastor and I went to the Salt Lake Temple on Saturday. We went for a very special reason: my brother was getting sealed to his wife and son. I cannot tell you how excited I've been as I counted down the days. Every time I go to the temple, I have these dreaded nightmares that I can't find my recommend. Every. Single. Time. Without fail. The nightmares happened this time too. I was so worried that I would do something that would mess up my chance to go the sealing. When we were finally there in the beautiful sealing room that was identical to the one Pastor and I were sealed in, I sat there feeling very overwhelmed with emotions. I was silently thanking Heavenly Father for what was going on. I was also filled with such pride for my brother's little family. I leaned over and told Pastor, "I know when they walk in I'm gonna cry." I glanced around, hoping to catch sight of a tissue box. There wasn't one. Sure enough, when Paul walked in holding hands with his beaming wife, the tears started. My eyes got hot, but I was able to hold everything in. This was not the case when they knelt on the alter. This more especially was not so when Connor walked in decked completely in white. He looked like a mischievous little angel baby, which truly is the best kind. I felt a small tinge of jealously, even there in the temple, for the ladies who whipped out their little packets of blessed, makeup saving tissues.

I am so proud of Paul, Ashley and Connor. My brother has always been someone I look up to. His kindness and loving ways have often put me to shame.

Even as I type this I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and emotion but there isn't a tissue in sight. Perhaps one day I will learn to be better prepared. ;)