Amazing!!!!

Today something AMAZING happened. Pastor and I made extremely timid plans to go to the air show on Hill Air Force Base. I say timid, but I really, really wanted to go! I didn't even care which show. It turned out that we could only watch one, but it was the Breitling Jet Team. Let me tell you something, that was a jaw dropping show. Not only that, there were times when the announcer made it so Jacques Bothelin could talk to us (us meaning the watching crowd) over the giant speakers. Before their final maneuver, he said how glad he was to fly in the US. He mentioned how his country is a free country because of the aid of the United States. That made my heart pulse with pride and joy. I even cried. Again. And there were no danged tissues anywhere! haha I will now shamelessly insert a large quantity of photos...

Ok, so it was only five. I snapped so many that it really is shameful. ;)

Do you know what the most amazing thing was though? Can you guess? Can you guess? The most amazing thing to me was the fact that I was there. We waited in line at the gate about an hour. Probably more. Then we waited in line at the metal detector door things (what's their real name?) about an hour. Probably a little less. During this time, we walked, boarded a bus, walked, stood, walked, and I even carried Dex and Adi at different points. All of this is amazing because my pain has seriously subsided. There was a time in my life when going to the air show wouldn't have been possible. It wouldn't even have been an option. Today I did all those things. I think I pushed myself a little too much because my back was stiff by the end of it. Even so, I am so blessed and I am thankful to Heavenly Father for guiding me through so many years of pain. :)

Also, can I make a confession? I think I would like to ride in a jet plane one day. That used to be an idea I was glad to think would never become a reality. Now I really want to try! The kids all enjoyed the air show as well. They were a little confused about why we stood around waiting in line so long, but I think it all added up in the end. Adi said several times she wants to be fighter pilot when she grows up. That makes me feel proud and a tiny bit scared. Mostly proud though. I know she would be an awesome fighter pilot.

I have to mention how much the kids loved riding the buses to and from our parking area. We parked in the red zone and took the red shuttle to the show and back. I think that was almost as exciting as seeing the jets. haha Adi kept saying, "my very first time on a bus!" Which was true, actually. :)

After the show, Pastor picked up some pizza and we had a picnic at the park. That was pretty cool too because the sprinklers were going and the kids saw an impromptu splash pad.

All in all, today was wonderful, amazing and fun. I'm so glad our plans worked out!

Father's Day

The other day, Pastor called Avan to him. He gathered him in his arms and gave him a kiss. Avan got all bashful and looked away. Pastor said, "do you know I love you?" Avan, being Avan, said, "no!" Then he giggled and giggled like it was the funniest joke in the world. Pastor asked him again, "do you know I love you?" Avan got embarrassed and said, "Yes." This is a near daily occurrence at our house. Pastor makes it a point to hold the kids and give them kisses. I hope one day they know how lucky they are to have him.

The kids worked hard on making things for daddy for Father's day. We made a shirt with hand prints, which is tradition. They also painted some plastic stained glass window trinkets and drew him pictures. I think my favorite thing was the stress balls we made. We stuck playdough in balloons and tied a knot. They drew silly faces and other things on them. They really work well as stress balls, although they do explode if stretched too far.

Happy Father's day daddy! We love you!

Bubbles

Sometimes it's really difficult to do normal things. I have a list a mile long (in my head) of things I want to do with the kids. When I'm myself, it all works out fine. When depression and/or anxiety takes over, everything is hard. I've gotten to the point that I know I'm not myself. The way I feel is thanks to depression and/or anxiety and not who I want to be. So I end up biting my tongue a lot because I know I wouldn't say those things if I were myself. I stifle my emotions a lot because I know those feelings will go away. I go through the motions (not always successfully) of being the mom I know I would be if I weren't having an episode. So sometimes I pretend to be me, which sounds really weird, buy it's true. For instance, when we got out these bubbles and made these little bubble blowers (I saw them on pinterest), I wasn't feeling myself. The all too familiar raw feeling in my chest was there. The frustration was there. I took these photos while trying to focus on the love I feel for my sweet kids. They are awesome. They deal with me and my issues so well. Their prayers literally are what get me through some days.

With all that being said, I think the kids enjoyed these. I was focused on trying to be my real self and don't remember a lot. They always love bubbles, so of course these were a must try!

I'm so glad for my camera. These moments are beautiful. So much good was happening around me. I might have missed it all if not for a simple click of a button.

Also, this little guy was by the door when we went inside...

...it's a tiny mantis! I have never seen one so small.

First Badge

Duane got his first badge from scouts! He got his bobcat for reading the manual with me. Man, there are some heavy topics in there. I'm glad they're addressed, but man...

Anyway, we all went to the meeting where he did a cute little impromptu skit and got a belt loop thingy for that too.

Here are brother Hobson and Pastor flipping him upside down so I can pin his bobcat pin to his shirt. It's supposed to remind him to do a good turn. He said he didn't like being upside down. I told him to tuck his shirt in next time. haha ;)

So far he really loves scouts. I'm so proud of how willing he is to learn and participate. He's really growing!!

Paddling Pool

Oh what do you do in the summertime?? For our first day of official no school, we got out the paddling pool. The kids love it!

I'm already planning some activities we can do in there. We even pulled out the little baby one this week for Dex, although all the kids use it. The like jumping from one to the other saying, "I'm a penguin, now I'm an otter!" I was watching and giggling quite a lot of the time. They say the funniest things.

Tissues

There was a point in my life that I considered myself pretty tough. I never cried at movies. I mean, NEVER ever. I would feel moved, but never shed a tear. I used to work pretty darn hard. I lived on a small farm with my dad. I remember doing things like hauling bales of hay to our truck, cutting paths for our fence, pounding fence poles and other such labors. I used to be quite strong and capable. I had a high threshold for pain. I used to consume 3 atomic fireballs at once without taking them out. Back then, I never saw the need to carry around tissues. Have you seen people do this? They have these cute packets of tiny squares of tissues that fold out for emergency emotions? These are the kind of people that are prepared and I admire that. Especially now that I'm not nearly as tough as I used to be.

Pastor and I went to the Salt Lake Temple on Saturday. We went for a very special reason: my brother was getting sealed to his wife and son. I cannot tell you how excited I've been as I counted down the days. Every time I go to the temple, I have these dreaded nightmares that I can't find my recommend. Every. Single. Time. Without fail. The nightmares happened this time too. I was so worried that I would do something that would mess up my chance to go the sealing. When we were finally there in the beautiful sealing room that was identical to the one Pastor and I were sealed in, I sat there feeling very overwhelmed with emotions. I was silently thanking Heavenly Father for what was going on. I was also filled with such pride for my brother's little family. I leaned over and told Pastor, "I know when they walk in I'm gonna cry." I glanced around, hoping to catch sight of a tissue box. There wasn't one. Sure enough, when Paul walked in holding hands with his beaming wife, the tears started. My eyes got hot, but I was able to hold everything in. This was not the case when they knelt on the alter. This more especially was not so when Connor walked in decked completely in white. He looked like a mischievous little angel baby, which truly is the best kind. I felt a small tinge of jealously, even there in the temple, for the ladies who whipped out their little packets of blessed, makeup saving tissues.

I am so proud of Paul, Ashley and Connor. My brother has always been someone I look up to. His kindness and loving ways have often put me to shame.

Even as I type this I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and emotion but there isn't a tissue in sight. Perhaps one day I will learn to be better prepared. ;)

Kitty Whisperer

I assure you this kitty isn't dead. It has been transported to a state of utter bliss. So much so that it resembles a dead cat a little. Duane has devoted a lot of time to his little kitty. He's been patient and waited for it to come to him. Now it curls up in his lap and he strokes it until it falls asleep. He's the kitty whisperer.

The two black kittens look so much alike that he gets confused sometimes and works his magic on the wrong kitty.

Graduation

These boys completed their year in school. I am so proud of both of them. They both worked so hard to reach this point and both are super excited to be 1st and 3rd graders next year. As usual, the Kindergarten grade had a mini graduation ceremony. Personally, I adore the ceremony. :D Duane even skipped class to attend.

Here are some photos of Avan singing his songs. I was so happy to see him up there all grown up. I was literally fighting back tears the entire time. It was a real struggle.

This is Mrs. Anderson. She is an amazing teacher! She was very patient and instructive. Most of all, she was loving as she did her job. I think that's important, especially with the younger kids. Another person we didn't catch a photo of that Avan adores is Mrs. Freeman. She is very positive and wonderful at encouraging the kids.

Way to go Avan!! Duane had to go to his class right after the presentation, otherwise you know he'd be in there smushing Avan just as much as the others. ;)

We did a little cloud watching after while laying on the front lawn of the school. Pastor had to make an emergency phone call, so we had time to kill.

I can't believe my oldest is a third grader. I am now in no man's land. This is beyond the point of time that I thought would take FOREVER to come. I can't see ahead anymore. He's becoming his own person and that is so difficult for me. He's worked and grown so much this year. I see a young man in him.

Good job boys. You are both wonderful and amazing. You and your siblings fill me with joy. :D

Videos of Avan's Special Day